Looming

On the way to the doctor I noticed there was a spectacular storm looming. Strange mushrooms of humid, steamy air were pluming in the sky. So Brisbane, so November.

I like shapely clouds. One day I would like to study them and work out how to paint them well so I could have a huge painting of them over our bed. The Big fella has a friend who is a renowned painter of clouds. Perhaps we could commission him.

On arriving at the doctor I was pleased to see that her well stocked waiting room had some new Home Beautifuls. Being the loveliest female doctor of breastage she does NOT stock Marie Claires and Vogues full of strangely elongated women with perfect breastage for the real women in the waiting room to be traumatised by.

My doctor's name is Jenny. I sometimes find myself calling her "my Jenny" but then I sound a bit like Forrest, Forrest Gump.

It was fortuitous finding the Home Beautiful for it also reminded me that another storm is looming. That would be Christmas folks. The image below from the H.B. reminds me of how Christmas will never look at our place.

.We NEVER wear long sleeved ironed shirts. It's too hot.

.We don't have handbag dogs and if we did we would not dress them in frocks and Santa hats and cuddle them at table. It is too hot.

.We do not have tablescapes of delicate flowers and light, dainty pastries...you know why, don't you?

.We don't use real crockery for the chillun and the glassware is non-matching. There are too many of us. We don't smile politely while one family member makes a light clearly enunciated comment. We all speak simultaneously and loudly and participate in multiple conversations at a time.

.We do not have matching white paper lantern things.

.We do not tie ribbons around our napkins. They are in a packet.

.We never have dewy complexions but are ruddy, sweaty and salty /chlorinated.

.We do not have immaculately coiffed hairstyles but messy hair which are also sweaty and salty/ chlorinated.  (Some of us have considerably less than we did last year. What was I thinking? It must have been too hot!)

.We DO have a handsome white haired grandad. We suspect he likes to turn off his hearing aid.

Here's one we prepared earlier for comparison.

This is not the full contingent. It is about half of them. 

If it's not chaotic, it's not Christmas.
After late lunch, when the kids are swum ragged, they all lie down to watch the High School Spectacular or something else Grandma has taped for them to fall asleep in front of and the grown ups laugh and chatter and tipple till late over the leftovers.

I dread it and love it equally. 

We are one but we are many...

The 'Counting'

Once a year from various points on the compass, members of the clan return to the fold to eat, drink and reunite at what has come to be known as the 'Counting'. At approximately 2pm, the week end before Christmas, they begin to arrive. You know which tune to use! Nine angsty siblings, assorted bewildered spouses, six moochy teens, ten in- betweenies, five tearaway toddlers, one sleeping grandad and a nanna spinning on the kitchen bench!

There is usually a group photo either on stairs, around the table or at the Assembly of the present tree. It becomes logistically less possible each year and one person is always missing from the photos to take it.
By early evening Aunty Annie is withdrawing into the cone of quiet, putting off obligatory SKYPE interaction with those not counted at today's Counting.
Grandad is napping with a fixed smile although he is not sure what was actually said.
The babies are not where they were left. (First the sheep, now this!) Where is Harry?

Somebody's put baby in the corner!

Uncle Peter is dozing serenely on the verandah having sung too much Singstar.
Nanna is dancing on the table in the kitchen between the quinoa salad and the gluten free Christmas cake possibly hallucinating about whales breeching on the cooktop. "Out of my kitchen, now, all of you." And she danced...
We all anticipate it nervously, then thoroughly delight in it, then enjoy some post-Counting analysis. As always a good time was had by all. I do love that gorgeous crazy crew!