Monday, December 2, 2013

How I know it's nearly holidays

Earlier this week:

1. Other people are talking about putting up trees. I have one. It's in a box. It's new and doesn't lean precariously to the right. Its under the house with the possums and the dust.

2. My old friend, Murphy, has come to visit. After waxing lyrical about our marvelous dishwasher last Tuesday, we came home to find it on repeat pump- the dishwasher version of a cracked record.


3. The clock stopped and not because I looked at it. Just stopped because all the appliances here are in a conspiracy and like to break down at the same time (which is permanently three o'clock). Please just be the battery.



4. Dinner is served. That would be sausages with potato bake and gravy. Dang- it is salt reduced so now I have to salt it. Two hungry diners just want them on buns. I don't care. Take it and eat it and begone.



5. If you want something green, there are new bananas or an old rubber coin purse. Your choice.


6. The beverage of the hour. It is a complete food so that will do me for dinner. I'll only be half way through before I hit the hay at about 8pm.



7. They are watching Home and Away. They are not allowed to watch Home and Away. This is not because it is bad for them but because I hate it with a venomous hate that can only be provoked by the direst of dire soaps. I just tell them it is bad for them like Coke. It is the final episode. The offspring have promised me the show will blow up tonight. They are so desperate for viewers they have taken to advertising this pap at the cinema invading my quality cinematic experience as well. Begone Home and Away!

8. I  keep painting cow skulls- big canvases of pretty coloured giant cow skulls. What does this say about me? It is time to stop. What will I do with them? Sell them to a butcher? Deep breath. Two more days and it is holidays. Then the Christmas thing begins….


9. They keep promising it will blow up. Blow up, blow up, blow up…..

10. I drove to one school four times today, the other school twice, the third once. I have been transporting offspring and other stuff that I've made as demos with students through the year. There have been a couple of clay busts. Whenever I put one in a box to travel it whispers, "Seven…." in my self chatting ear. This one IS a little bit Gwyneth.


11. The dog has taken to sucking the window glass making her look like a scary, zombie dog.


12. The best little mother in law in the Western suburbs is coming to change the sheets with me today. She takes them away to wash them and then stores them in her linen cupboard like a sheet squirrel. By keeping the sheets, she has to be present to change the sheets with me next time. I find this odd but am prepared to go with it. Yet there are still sheets missing in action. I may need to launch a covert linen retrieval.

Today:

The car and back stairs have joined the Murphy's Law of conspiracy.
Home and Away only blew up a little bit and will be back next season.
It was just the clock battery.

23 comments:

  1. Funny and lovely post Annie. I can relate to so many of the things happening at your place - including hating Home and Away with a passion. I would like to linger and write a better comment, but I've got walls to paint (you paint giant cow skulls, I paint walls - says it all really) Love Kylie x

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    1. I yearn to paint walls but there are more pressing issues like collapsing back stairs circa 1930 something.

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  2. The skulls are great, morbid but great nontheless. They might say: Get yourself a new skin and some flesh on the bones. You need a break. Take care! Regula

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    1. Indeed! I fully intent to rearrange some skin in about a month (!) and there is quite enough flesh on these bones thanks Regula! x

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  3. Our appliances are acting up...blocked drains, busted lights...I bet on Christmas Day the fridge will go bung. I'm touching wood. Love this post too - you've encapsulated the winding down of the school year so well. xx

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    1. Haven't even mentioned the many and varied Christmas concerts/ break ups/ parent dinners. Seriously- it is like a Presidential tour having 5 kids at school at Christmas!

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  4. Love the post but would have loved it even more if you had put a picture of your mother-in-law sucking the window glass.

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    1. That doesn't happen till Boxing Day if we pour the Baileys just right and only if the windows are clean. Unlikely with all this pupkiss. x!

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  5. I wish my mother in law would come help me change my sheets!!! Your dog looks so vicious lol. We are also getting ready for the Holidays here in New York but its getting very cold here and my children go to school till december 23. Its very busy here too.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Ahhh! Children at school till the 23rd! Now there's a Christmas present!

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  6. Yes, you poor thing. You've hit it on the head. The end of the Year is a mix of highly-fraught tension and relief. Your pup is slightly crazy. I have a son who used to lick things - the dog, store windows, shopping trolley handles. Disgusting. Are you hanging those skulls? Really would be a shame not to.

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    1. It is difficult to know where to hang them. Over the bed? I think not. I'm just going to do one more then stop. (Like a glass of wine.) Did Georgia have these problems?
      Just remembered I have a photo of my son at 9 months with his chops wrapped around a shopping trolly handle. Are we missing a flavoursome experience?

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  7. You have the perfect Christmas presents for people you want out of your life by giving them each a cow skull.
    Your clock is ok. I have one as well that goes to a quarter to 3 twice a day. No troubles there.
    However, I am concerned about your thirsty dog..( Even though the pic made me roar with laughter) (rwl???).
    Maybe he is telling you its time he went to the dentist.
    Toolman here put up the Christmas tree yesterday amid much swearing with broken bulbs that are out of date.. (By 30 years)
    But I like to keep it all flowing here .
    The annual reinstatement of the tree seems to call for teenage sweat in your little home in the west.
    The sheet saga is a worry. I have some fitted ones torn if that could be of help there.

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    1. Maybe I could give them to some Noah type people. There will be sweat DMC. Don't you worry. One hung out washing yesterday in a pitiable fashion, little withered clumps of cloth all bedraggled from the line but it was worth ironing it to have it hung out.

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  8. PS.
    The white lady covered with plastic scared me. Do you think she will pull through?

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    1. She's out the front in the family sculpture garden amidst the castle, more skulls and some masky type things. She'll cope.

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    2. Are they lit up with a blow-up Santa and reindeer?
      I worry about electricity bills of the luminescent front gardens popping up everywhere.

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  9. Well, I guess, Happy Holidays then! Love the photo of the dog. Hysterical!

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  10. Funniest Post ever…it's the same here by the way. Crazy dog, broken appliances, the door to the dryer is off completely and I have to reinstall it every time I use it, anything requiring a battery doesn't work, ugh the door handles! My mother-in-law will be visiting in a few months but she doesn't do sheets :-) Love your skulls! x

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  11. Oh yes when one appliance/car/piece of furniture packs it in it's usually one of a series over the coming weeks.
    Your artwork is stunning Annie. x

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  12. Love the dog ... amusement value 10+, that's dogs :)

    Your mother in law squirrels sheets, mine squirrels head scarves ... the ways of mothers-in-law are beyond the understanding of mere daughters-in-law.

    Did I tell you I have a deer skull ornamenting my kitchen window sill?

    Please tell me it's nearly the holidays ;)

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  13. Very happy to store my things here. Contended with my experience at this Storage. I've looked around and they came highly recommended by even other people.

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