7.15 a.m. Send thirteen year old boys to school with euphonium and trombone for some calmin' tootin'.
7 a.m. Drive 11 year old son to school to pick up USB to finish his powerpoint. Be chided by secretary for using teacher carpark.
7.45 a.m. Drive 9 year old daughter to school for choir practice. Notice how beautiful she is as she walks from car. Tell her you love her and ignore her eye rolling.
8.15 a.m. Drop 3 year old daughter at kindy and leave with a clean day stretched in front of you.
8.30 a.m. Eat brekky, clean up carnage from offspring and shower. Wash hair. Do laundry even though it is raining and the bruises are hurting on Lefty when you hang the washing. Who knew?
9.15 a.m. Ring doctor. They still have no results but will ring back when they arrive.
9.30 a.m. Get a haircut because you feel the need to spend money on your hair to prove that you will not lose it and because yesterday was Shave for a Cure day. There is irony here somewhere.
10.30 a.m. Go to elderly parents' house and insist on helping them move heavy furniture around their family room. Busy, busy, busy.
11 a.m. Ring doctor and ask why the hell they haven't rung with the results. They book you an appointment for 1p.m. Chat with parents and drink many teas.
12.45 p.m. Lie to parents and say you are going to Aldi but go directly to doctor.
1p.m. Wait for doctor. Read about Jennifer Aniston. Tear out knitting pattern for cupcakes hoping it will make them notice you are there. Jump up when doctor calls for Mary-anne. It's Anne-marie, you todger!
1.15p.m. Remain polite and calm while doctor tries to get results. Answer mobile to have son 2 ask for forgotten football boots. Results are still in the fax machine. Answer mobile to tell husband I am talking to doctor. The QML lady won't read the results out on the speaker phone. Thank you, QML lady. Answer mobile to tell mother in law I am still with the doctor. Be chided by doctor for asking too many questions.
1.30 p.m. Walk out calmly smiling saying something vacuous like 'See you next time.' Think, 'I won't be seeing you again, mate!' Go to pay bill and start crying when the receptionist says,'So you're right then.' NO I'M NOT, ACTUALLY!!!
1.32 p.m. Walk briskly down corridor till you hit a treatment room and run into a dead end and start crying more. Young, handsome doctor (I'm still observant) comes in to see if I am stealing drugs but rethinks and guides me to his room to let me sit and breathe fast and ring my husband. Scare the shit out of poor, dear husband on the phone. Sorry, husband. Thank you, young handsome doctor.
1.45 p.m. Go to counter, politely apologise and try to pay. Be waved away by sweet sad faced receptionist telling me there is no charge. Fair enough. Who wants to pay for that news?
2.05 p.m. Find yourself holding a football boot in each hand with a cold head and light as air body in front of large bronze Madonna (the holier one). How did I get here? Have no recollection of the drive across three suburbs. Chat vacuously to school staff at the boys' school where I leave the shoes. Be grateful boys are at school till 5 p.m.
2.50 p.m. Pick up Shorty from kindy. Start to get wet eyes when she runs to hug you. Blurt it all out to the lovely kindy lady who has known and taught all your kids for ten years.
3.30p.m. Go home, you crazy woman, and hug son 3. Make sixteen pikelets because that's what you do. Watch eleven year old eat twelve pikelets. Say nothing.
4.45 p.m. Put daughter in (shallow) bath with eleven year old and go to get other daughter from swimming . See friends at swimming and talk vacuously about class numbers. Head is still cold. Wonder if they all think you are stoned.
5 p.m. Hug one friend at the car for a very long time. Remember children at home. Hurry home.
5.15 p.m. Find bath children dry and dressed- not drowned. Hug husband for very long time. Ignore him when he says to lie down. Fold large pile of towels because that's what you do. Play cards and memory with daughters. Crochet.
7p.m. Fall into a deep and dreamless sleep with toddler.
10 p.m. Wake up and make tea. Crochet. Watch 'About Schmidt'. Look at at sleeping children. Get into bed with toddler. Inhale baby hair smell from her neck nook. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tough day at the office.
photo by Lala