Sunday, April 29, 2012

Amazonica Domestica (or observations of a mono breasted mamma)

  Here's a small cultural observation that has been sharpened in my eye (like a pointy stick) since my 'little procedure'. Some kind, older volunteer type ladies left me some mags in the hospital assuming I might like some light girly frippery. So I put down my crochet and flipped the first one open to this. It was all about what kind of bra to wear to present your breastage up on the most appropriate platter. The model opposite was demonstrating how an ill-fitting bra might make you stand beside the toaster in the morning.
"Ow. That so pinches!"

So I flipped to another page and thought I'd get lucky with some headwear samples but, no, there was yet more breastage staring me in the eye from the adjacent page. Look away, ye of little breastage!


If it wasn't women with two ample breasts it was women with ample hair- and a bit of breastage thrown in!

"Dammit! I have my ample hair caught in the bra snap of my ample breastage!"
Now this fellow caught my eye which was watering by now. He is a famous Zoolander type of the most breastigious because he looks like a woman who looks like a man . His flat chestedness seems to have made him highly desirable in modelling circles as the perfect female body. So I'm thinking, at worst my chest could look like his till I turn the page to find.......



THIS!! What manner of woman's magazine is this? 


  Luckily I only read them for the articles so I immediately flicked to some text.

 It would seem that according to this illustrious edition, cancer is my new career if not my star sign. It was, oddly, the only thing that made sense in the whole magazine.

 Except for this pretty top which cost way too much.

Did I mention the witty (read witless) article where women were photographed to be assessed critically by themselves and their partners on how appealing their bodies appear. Which decade/ century are we in here?


I dropped the mags in the visitors lounge and picked up an old 'Inside Out' and a 'Wallpaper'. Those are 'wish books' that are a little less close to the bone right now!


  1. Yep, give me a good interiors magazine any day. Much prefer to 'caw' over a well-made chair than another woman's figure when it comes to my glossies. xx

  2. Stupid B-Shite magazines..............I was going to say all they are good for it wiping bottoms, but the paper is way too shiny...................
    My children are going to grow up knowing that what is in a magazine is not real life..what they see in their mother and father nude or whatever is real........and it is not picture (unreal) the way, I love what you are making..the colours are 'happy'...have a sweet more browsing crappy magazines....x

  3. How ever kindly meant giving a mag like that to any woman with a brain is an extremely cruel act

    Maybe the volunteers concerned thought your sense of humour needed testing. May I congratulate you on rising to the challenge.

  4. Oh good grief, I'd drop those magazines too. The noive!

  5. aww gawd. love for your commentary, serious dislike for the rest :(

  6. I can't get mags like that here, but I also can't get house mags or art mags, only the occasional New Idea from New Zealand, which is full of NZ TV celebs and I don't know who they are, plus they cost $10! Thanks for reminding me why I am not missing out.

  7. You're a lovely Libran!!! All makes sense now. We're the best!!! Throwing away a ridikkalus magazine - see how sensible Librans are?!

  8. That horoscope was written for you - it's uncanny. "Be careful where (and on whom) you step" ... probably referring to those times when bases crop up around the house.

  9. I'm also a Libran. Not that I know what that means.
    Absolutely love your beautiful crocheted rug, another skill I don't possess. Fortunately my amazing mum keeps us in warm winter throws.

  10. I've never liked reading those sorts of magazines. Your critique is spot-on. I think it's sad that a woman's worth seems to be based on the size of her breasts. What a stupid image of that bloke.

    I can't imagine what you're going through, but sometimes I try and imagine what it'd be like if a doctor told me that I was going to have to have a mastectomy or a leg amputation. I think, I have everyone here who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful (though I tell them they're deluded). My breasts have done their job. If they're being pains in the arse and threaten to shorten my time on the planet, then they deserve to get chopped off, and that won't make those who love me, think me any less beautiful.

    I think that's how it is with you. I thought you looked fab when I saw you. Keep your spirits up.

  11. You open my eyes to stuff that I didn't think to question. But we should, for our daughter's sakes. We should write our own magazine. Oh, hang on, we sort of are... we're bloggers (and blogs are free!). Hooray to that!

  12. I've been thinking a lot about my breasts lately (I had a mommo two days ago, and I'm waiting for the results). Anyway, since I have had breast I wasn't happy about them. Firstly they seemed too big and heavy, finally they are a bit worn out due to five babies and my age. However, reading your blog and story you share anc your thoughts, I love my breast. They are healthy and perfect. How ungrateful I have been not to love my breasts because of whatever crappy magazine might say. How lucky I am.

    And you are so right about the glossy magazines. They make me depressed so I don't read / look at them any more.

    You're in my thoughts

  13. You did the right thing getting rid of that 'rubbish'....well done! Is the pattern for your ripple blanket here anywhere? its looking really lovely. keep doing what your'e doing 'cause you are doing great.

  14. Not worth it to stop crocheting for that printed load of rubbish.
    I can't understand how another woman read this stuff and thought it suitable to be passed on .
    Your rug is looking superb.

  15. Most of those mags are not worth the time, let alone the cost, the bottom line seems to be "You Are Not Good Enough"... Hair, Skin ,body, clothes, relationships, this or that and all will be well.Of course we are not the bloody same, we don't have hairdressers on call , a stylist, personal trainer or make up artist. Rant over
    I love the rainbow blanket, it will be so bright and pretty for winter, and it is fun to choose the colours as you go.
    Need a laugh ? check out the blog called "Yarn Harlot" sorry don't know haw to do link thing.

  16. Well there you go! What a feisty bunch of feministicas as I have the pleasure of meeting on this blog. I don't think the volunteers had any idea that I had undergone a procedure that mismatched the mags. In fact, I'm fairly certain none of them had ever opened one of those mags. I never read them in real life and got a good laugh out of them so all is well.


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